i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
