The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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