I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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