If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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