This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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