hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
