I accidentally had phone sex last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
