butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
