come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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