Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
