she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
