put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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