Only a mothe r could love this liver
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
