Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
