I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
