When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
