I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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