I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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