I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
