I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
