I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I want is dick and wine.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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