Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
where does the pee come out of this thing
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
