can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
