I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
