I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
