I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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