I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
