He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
