HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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