you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
