i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
