my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
