I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
