This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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