dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
