I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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