i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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