If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
