why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
