Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
