I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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