Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
