I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
