Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
