Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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