Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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