I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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