So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
