I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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