So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
