We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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