I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
