i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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