Nicole vs. Life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
